i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
