I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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