I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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