OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
