I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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