she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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