I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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