Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
