The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
