So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
