U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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