Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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