I'm drive I can fine osifer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
