Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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