turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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