when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
