Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
