dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
