Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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