His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will be naked everywhere
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
