Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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