I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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