im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
