Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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