i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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