Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
