I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
