HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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