I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ruined the universe
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
