I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
