I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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