No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize