I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
