I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
