Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
