I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
