Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
