I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
