i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
