Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
