when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
