A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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