If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
