So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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