i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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