worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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