i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
