I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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