I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We are all done wearing pants today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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