I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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