Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
