some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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