omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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