clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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