My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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