I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Barsexuality is the new black.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
