He told me they were just razor bumps!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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