i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
