btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
