He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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