she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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