that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
