Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
