One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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