ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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