lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
