HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The struggles of a small town man whore
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
