Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
