So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
