my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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