rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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