Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
