If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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