Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
