He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Too much gin, very little bucket
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I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.