i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole