Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
  Replies (22) Good night (843) Bad night (5544)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.

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  (609): No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/h1fn
  Replies (10) Good night (2845) Bad night (790)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Lol welcome to greek life

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  (727): if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now. (1-727): Lol welcome to greek life http://tfl.nu/i7uo
  Replies (43) Good night (946) Bad night (4244)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize

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  (701): Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize http://tfl.nu/1v86
  Replies (50) Good night (4336) Bad night (746)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

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  (720): What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to http://tfl.nu/xbm0
  Replies (33) Good night (1730) Bad night (4455)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

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  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12994) Bad night (1241)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (32) Good night (1894) Bad night (7633)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am

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  (586): The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am http://tfl.nu/ycag
  Replies (13) Good night (2205) Bad night (993)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?

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  (207): did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in? http://tfl.nu/zbg4
  Replies (10) Good night (2987) Bad night (1197)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool

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  (401): she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool http://tfl.nu/sz50
  Replies (5) Good night (732) Bad night (1919)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.

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  (248): Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/avlt
  Replies (15) Good night (2584) Bad night (695)
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  (530): View more from California

  Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

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  (530): Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it http://tfl.nu/avbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1696) Bad night (579)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.

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  (317): If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga. http://tfl.nu/uvum
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (323)
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  (707): View more from California

  Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.

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  (707): Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning. (425): I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation. http://tfl.nu/7xvm
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (437)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.

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  (703): All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it. http://tfl.nu/mbv5
  Replies (4) Good night (472) Bad night (257)

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