found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
