is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
