woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?