this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.